Aveera Nyaalie: 06 - Bare Emotions
Aveera Nyaalie appeared much older than her eleven years. Her sapphire, silk gown tapered to emphasize her slender waist and long legs. The floor length concoction brushed the tops of the ladylike heels that her twice great-grandmother Yasquire had brought her a few weeks previous from the Material Plane. The golden blonde tresses twirled and twined atop her head, the ringlets controlled and precise. Her typically lavender eyes were a hard violet. By her side, a somber Kaie Nyaalie wore a gown identical in cut and style. The only difference was that her gown was pure gold, an amber only a half-shade lighter than her eyes. Her dark locks were straight, hanging down to her waist. Her expression was as indifferent as her companion’s. When Brecbrennoch Nyaalie’s guards opened the doors of the massive receiving chamber to admit them, her granddaughter linked a thin arm through that of her best friend. Midnight and Midday entered the chamber side by side.
Nearly the entire sithen had gathered, though only the woman in the center and Kaie knew what was happening. No one looked directly at Eirienwyn, as the Queen’s edict had not been retracted. Supposedly, the beautiful Fae was not there. Brecbrennoch Nyaalie, Queen of the Sithen, was allowed to admire her many times great-granddaughter. No one else could acknowledge her. And, from the manner in which the duo walked past her, one might be convinced that the lady was simply a ghost.
Aveera’s gaze lightened as she looked upon her grandmother. Delicately, she curtsied before the throne. At her side, Kaie mirrored her precisely. The two girls walked with matched steps up to the regal Tuatha de Danaan. Leaning in at the same time, Aveera kissed the queen’s left cheek at the exact moment that Kaie kissed her right. Then, without preamble, both smoothly sat on the stairs directly before the throne at the feet of their ruler.
The gathered Tuatha de Danaan intermingled and whispered among themselves. The woman in the center, though, stared directly forward with composure. Her shoulders were straight, and she did not even breathe. Aveera listened half-heartedly to Kaie’s dialogue of those who had returned to the sithen from wandering and who had left to visit family elsewhere. Mostly, she was furtively observing the woman who had birthed her. So, when the stranger pulled a dagger and plunged it directly into her heart, Aveera could not stifle her gasp.
Unheeding of her own decree, Brecbrennoch rushed to where Eirienwyn had collapsed. From inches away, she knew that the weapon had been forged of iron. No healer could save the fae from the death wound. The queen motioned for Aveera to join her. Kneeling by her queen, she did not look at the body until ordered to do so. “See the woman who carried you in her womb. Look into her eyes and see the love she feels for you before it dies with her.”
When Aveera met the eyes of the lady, she saw regret and pain. She saw knowledge gained. She even saw love. However, Aveera’s eyes only held pity. The emotion was felt for a stranger, not for a mother. Brecbrennoch and Rena were the only mothers she knew. Bare moments passed before the pupils of Eirienwyn’s eyes dilated as her soul fled.
Nearly the entire sithen had gathered, though only the woman in the center and Kaie knew what was happening. No one looked directly at Eirienwyn, as the Queen’s edict had not been retracted. Supposedly, the beautiful Fae was not there. Brecbrennoch Nyaalie, Queen of the Sithen, was allowed to admire her many times great-granddaughter. No one else could acknowledge her. And, from the manner in which the duo walked past her, one might be convinced that the lady was simply a ghost.
Aveera’s gaze lightened as she looked upon her grandmother. Delicately, she curtsied before the throne. At her side, Kaie mirrored her precisely. The two girls walked with matched steps up to the regal Tuatha de Danaan. Leaning in at the same time, Aveera kissed the queen’s left cheek at the exact moment that Kaie kissed her right. Then, without preamble, both smoothly sat on the stairs directly before the throne at the feet of their ruler.
The gathered Tuatha de Danaan intermingled and whispered among themselves. The woman in the center, though, stared directly forward with composure. Her shoulders were straight, and she did not even breathe. Aveera listened half-heartedly to Kaie’s dialogue of those who had returned to the sithen from wandering and who had left to visit family elsewhere. Mostly, she was furtively observing the woman who had birthed her. So, when the stranger pulled a dagger and plunged it directly into her heart, Aveera could not stifle her gasp.
Unheeding of her own decree, Brecbrennoch rushed to where Eirienwyn had collapsed. From inches away, she knew that the weapon had been forged of iron. No healer could save the fae from the death wound. The queen motioned for Aveera to join her. Kneeling by her queen, she did not look at the body until ordered to do so. “See the woman who carried you in her womb. Look into her eyes and see the love she feels for you before it dies with her.”
When Aveera met the eyes of the lady, she saw regret and pain. She saw knowledge gained. She even saw love. However, Aveera’s eyes only held pity. The emotion was felt for a stranger, not for a mother. Brecbrennoch and Rena were the only mothers she knew. Bare moments passed before the pupils of Eirienwyn’s eyes dilated as her soul fled.
2 Comments:
Dearest, if you really want my thoughts:
We both know what we like about each other's writing skills, so I shall tell you the constructive bits. If it sounds harsh, please don't think I meant it that way. You know how i esteem your work. So-Good description is only good description if it suits the personality of the character you're describing. When you described your eleven year old, it reminded me of words to describe a seductress. Make her her own person. Give her some sort of personality that will shine through without focusing on extraordinary looks-- because, let's face it, describing an adolescent with beauty in an evening dress is a touch creepy. Focus on other parts- energy as she bounced, restraint, whatever, but use her body parts for a purpose other than being attractive.
I think it would be lovely if you touched on the whole "ladylike heels" thing a bit more. Flesh it out so that she's this girl trying to be grown up but secretly just dying a little bit at the CLOTHES!! she's getting to wear.
When you describe her ringlets, you're describing her subconsciously. Do you mean for her to be perceived as "controlled and precise"? I can imagine it if you do, but I was just pointing out the impression left.
The precision and rigidity of the ceremony in the two girls is excellent, but it would be v. strong if you accentuated it and wrote it with more of a routine. Ask me for more explanation there if'n you want it. :)
Brec...'s words are impressive, but they seem stately without saying a lot about her. It seems like something fine written in a book- like the most coiffed, planned thing one could say right then, sans any emotion one would feel. She just saw the person die! How would she react? How does one personify the trembling, shaking sort of terror that can only fully subside long after the shock of the matter is gone? Don't make it too clean.
Just ideas, Jayjums. I'll do more for ya later if you want.
Thank you! This really helps, Shan.
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